ITS HOT AS SHIT...

And we should probably all be wearing this by now. Thanks for keeping it real, Hagar. My band, Deft Beast, may be making a special one-time appearance at SCRUMMAGE FEST 2010 in D-Rock. Even if we don't play, everyone else is so go overheat to good shit instead of sitting around hanging your balls dangerously close to the fan.

FOR YOU

STARING OUT A WINDOW ON A RAINY DAY SUCH AS THIS, PLEASE PLAY AT YOUR DISCRETION

☆☆AUSTIN☆☆

At work I met a Texan, his name was Kenneth.  I was doing the usual, just chewing the fat and asking him where he was from and he said he was from Austin but had grown up in Toronto. I freaked a little- I've felt a strange pull to the little city since my time living in California- and asked him if he liked it.  He responded by rolling up his pristine sleeve and showing me his huge burgundy and black for arm tat that said "AUSTIN", with a lone star as the A.  I went with him and his friends for beer and oysters and he taught me how to do the texas-two step.  His friend, Colonel Tom, a large brimmed grinner with a couple horses and a penchant for teaching music, and Tony, a cowboy boot maker of celebrity fame, came too. They're the best of the old crust of the country music scene in Toronto.  I got in all the venues for free and drank sweet tequila until the sun came up, reveling in their rowdy laughter and learned that life does not stop at 45, rather it starts in a whole new and exciting way.  Now I can't get Austin outta my head! All I want to do is grow lots of hair, get some good boots and an old Triumph and hit the road on down there.  Pick up a man or two and start some good old down home country bit.  Lordy, what a fantasy! Check both these hootenannies out who for a good old country time at the Dakota every; Lickin' Good Fried every Sunday, and Rattlesnake Choir on Mondays, and never stop dreamin' kid.

ROYAL SERVE OF FAT-NESS

Last week I modeled for some friends in Alternative Fashion Week. It was my first time on the cat walk, and I did not fall over like a bone head so that was a bonus.  Toronto's rage was unleashed as garments that I can only describe as "star trek on an evil acid bender" dominated the show.  These are dangerous times in which we live, and those tentative feelings are seeping into every realm, resulting in aggressive clothing with a protective quality and sculptural nature.  Shoulder pads have resurfaced with a vengeance, and wide varieties of corsetry were employed in the garments.  To my absolute delight, a shit load of PVC was also used this year.  

And here's a little taste of Hayley and me completing incredible feats of balance....

TODAY I BOUGHT A FLORAL ROMPER...

... and then it was 0 degrees and I had to dust off my dungarees. I'm calling BULLSHIT on this whole Canada scene.  Its gonna be off to Miami with me for real this time, where I can stop compressing my spine from sitting aimlessly indoors, and worry about something refreshingly different like the what the whims of vying gangs might be, and which hole in the wall Cuban dive to eat at next. CAN'T WAIT.

Here are some things to remind us of when we were free to sit and not be frostbitten, or tortured by fluctuating temperatures.  Now I'm not one for male models but today at work about a dozen just trotted on by in their underwear from down the street to do a shoot, and they were covered in paint, and it was GOOD.  Another reason to move to Miami is that potentially this would happen more often.  Is that possible? I feel like it would be for real a place where people are largely gym fit, bronzed and are frequently covered in day glow.  Also everyone would look like this, just like they do here sometimes, only in day glow...

I KNOW RIGHT AWESOME
These are the Dum Dum Girls.  They're not from Miami, but for onenightandonenightonly they will be rocking the Phoenix. Go see them or something, I'm going to eat my face off.

NEW WORK NEW WORK NEW WORK

QUTURJUUK, A SERIES

AVAILABLE AT GOOD BLOOD BAD BLOOD
13 KENSINGTON AVE
TORONTO

THANK GOODNESS FOR PROMISES

FREE FREE FREE LISTEN HERE IT IS

Just when I needed something to seriously chew on for the spring, here come these two little drug ruggin' rats from Brooklyn schlepping back for another round.  MGMT's feathered appearance and psychedelic revelry forced me into an obsession with them that rivaled cultism for a long, hot, steamy few months beginning in an infamous San Francisco hostel.  One of the characters I befriended would constantly play their debut album Oracular Spectacular when he showered.  This occurred in the bathroom right outside my room for some reason, and bemused by this habit of taking a stereo with him, I always suspected a freak accident and thought he would never emerge again (which he always did, to my surprise and delight). Alas, there will not be the same introduction to this album.  Congratulations will be a good for you're mind and your spirit, and start you on that summer rainbow walk where everything seems to be better just because you get to leave your long underwear at home finally...